A Year of Being a Beginner
I've been feeling nostalgic this week about the year drawing to a close. New Year's Day feels like a lifetime ago, and so much has happened this year. A year ago the Diana+ camera was just something on my wish list. I thought I should figure out some photography move so I could have some visuals to pair with my writing. My camera arrived a little into January, and so began my crash course in film, my adventures in cross-processing, and the way shooting saved me when I wrote all the way to the fence.
This year also began with the Portfolio Project game, which Jen and I hatched up in late December and many of you began playing with us in earnest on January 1st. The game was a 12-week fast and dirty productivity burst, in which we focused on quantity over quality, trusting that even though it wouldn't all be good that some of the raw material would be. I started podcasting then to have more time to write offline, and ran a podcast through the whole game. The best of my work--visual and written--from those first three months became the Fortunes collection a few months later.
Being a beginner didn't stop with the photography or the new way of getting creative work done; it was the biggest theme of the year. I started doing live storytelling on-stage at The Moth Story Slams in Manhattan and Brooklyn. I found the courage to tell the stories that I never tell, and traced back to the roots of that courage. I met a community of storytellers there that is kind and generous, and that continues to teach me more than I can say.
I attended the Blogher conference for the first time, met many of the Shutter Sisters and all the Kirtsy Girls. Felt immediately more hopeful about the state of the world knowing that those women are in it. Meeting online acquaintances face-to-face continued at Squam, my first art retreat and an event that itself held many firsts for me.
I felt the vulnerability and humility of being a beginner over and over again. I had steep learning curves, which seems to be my way as I crash-course everything I can. My word for the year was fearless, and I tried to leap into every project and event just as I was, without knowing what it meant or where it would lead. You might expect that to feel strong like flexed muscles, but it didn't. It felt crumbly and raw and unsettling--I felt unlaced and undone more than anything else. All. Year. Long. But looking through my photos from the year, I didn't see those things. All I could see was the beauty of where trust can take you.
Here's a quick, no-frills and flawed slideshow from the year (I can feel all my film friends cringing already)--just a few favorite moments and images that I'm holding close as I get ready to begin all over again.
2009: A Retrospective from Jen Lee on Vimeo. Featuring the song, Ageless Beauty by Stars.
Friday, December 18, 2009 at 7:33AM | Share Article | 11 Comments | Permalink | in Squam Art Workshops, community, courage, creative work
Reader Comments (11)
Lovely compilation of your year, Jen! Happy holidays!
Lovely!
It was great to meet you this year, Jen.
What's the song?
Rebecca--it's Ageless Beauty by Stars: http://is.gd/5ssQY
oh my, there is so much beauty in your fearlessness. gracias.
What beautiful shots and great music. Enjoy celebrating 2009 - and here's to 2010!
Oh, I feel you.
This year I went from being 'one of the finest human rights officers' the head of the peacekeeping mission to Afghanistan had apparently ever seen to a brand new writer and yoga teacher. I went from being an expert in my field, with a decade of experience under my belt and references to 'prove' how good I was at at to being a beginner, wobbly and making mistakes. I went from having a job title that made it clear to everyone who heard just how important my work was and what a *good* person I was, doing such important work in the world, to telling people that I was writing and dealing with the first question everyone seems to ask "have you been published anywhere?"
It was a year of not being very good at what I was doing while I learned my craft. It was a year of courage and of rawness.
There is no surprise that discovering you and your stories was the best thing that happened to me online in 2009.
Thank you for sharing your stories so that I can walk alongside you all the way over here in New Zealand.
ha! the next post is from another Kiwi... my year of firsts is not so impressive as yours an Marianne's, but i am coming into myself, living my creative life, claiming it out loud and being whole in my skin for the first time in many, many years. it was liberating to hear your year Jen. You seem to be walking your path with such aplomb that i feel that old insecure "she knows what she's doing where as you...." voice in my head held sway... Now i can say "She has had doubts and questions and had to leap too" and take even more courage in following my heart!
that was good, jen! hope you're cozy on this snowy weekend -- ready for my eggnog latte now...and even tho you're watching the sugar, it's perfect weather for homemade cookies (i've been making them with wee amounts of sugar based on heidi swanson recipes)...
Oh Jen! Having just stumbled onto your lovely corner of the world here this fall, I had no idea how much of what I see had grown just in one year. That's astounding! What a brave year you've had—and what beauty you've created for yourself. That makes me almost teary, and so pleased for you.
It also makes me wonder what I might create for myself, if I were brave and directed for an entire year. That's inspiration, my dear. Thank you for that.
I once wrote a piece about a writing mentor of mine that included the line: "We can never know the difference we make by simply being ourselves, unafraid." What a beautiful example you're giving us. I think this year might be my turn to step up to the plate, to see where I can take this little life of mine. Much of what I've accomplished has happened despite me, not because of me. What if I turned that around?
Thank you for being unafraid—for not letting the fear stop you from shining.
Beautiful and fun to watch. Meeting you was definitely one of my 2009 highlights. Here's to an equally discovery-filled 2010. xo
i love these glimpses into your world...thank you for sharing each word, each image.
a year of firsts is a very good thing. yes. thank you for you...
blessings and light to you.