How to Not Drown in Doing When There is Much To Do
At the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, Diana+, Velvia 100 filmThe Doing-Being balance: this is a great challenge for me. I'm fairly sufficient at getting things done, but when the Doing takes over, my way of being becomes harried, anxious, and confused. I get tired, and if it's really bad I get paralyzed, either from not knowing what to do next or from feeling overwhelmed by all that still needs to be done. I'm the hamster on the wheel, thinking that if I just go a little faster or a little longer, it will all be over soon.
It's such a clear shift when I go from Being to Doing--like a switch going up and down. I feel the effects immediately, and other people see it, too. My old M.O. was to hold my harried self together with mantras like, "It's all going to be okay", or to persevere until the calendar flipped past that magic number and I could return to my happy life again.
But now, I'm learning the difference between Being and Doing, and I can feel it in my body. I have a new internal dialogue about it. This doesn't feel right, is replacing Is it over yet? I know I've lost my grounding in Being, and I know that I have a choice to find it again. I can be firmly rooted in Being, and still be productive. I may only be a beginner in this, but I know it is true.
Last night before dropping off to sleep I read a passage about how we only experience intimacy in our present time and space--that if any part of our being is elsewhere (for instance, if my mind is setting up my table at the Squam Art Fair, two weeks from now), intimacy is not possible. How often are we not fully occupying our current time and space? For me, it's even more often when there are many tasks to be done.
I don't want my husband and my girls to be living with an empty shell of me, to be conversing with me while my mind is elsewhere. So here is what I'm creating for myself today: I will be right here, holding the glass of water, noticing the morning sunlight, tasting my food and seeing my surroundings. And I'm going to get everything done. I'm going to make my plans and arrangements in this time and space, but I will not travel forward and pre-live things in my mind. I will say, Today I have these things complete and these other things incomplete. I have these concerns and these feelings. How interesting.
I can go to the printer and enjoy every moment of the adventure with the girls on the way there and back. I do not need to arrive there ahead of time in my mind. I can prepare for the classes I'm teaching without pre-living them as I do so. I can save that moment for that moment, but in this moment I am here in my studio with a giant bug bite on my leg.
I think this is the way to stay grounded in Being--and to open myself to the intimacy that's possible in this moment--and still complete all the tasks. I will not condemn myself to living some future moment a hundred times over. I do not want miss this day, or any other by abandoning it in my mind. I will be in this day and this moment, and I will do what needs to be done, here.
Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 7:57AM | Share Article 16 Comments | Email Article Print Article | Permalink | in creative work
Reader Comments (16)
I'm going to add your post to one of my favorite pieces of advice (posted on my blog the other day) - Louise Erdrich's "Advice to Myself"
It takes SO much practice to BE here. It's the striving that counts - right? For me, if I can catch myself becoming that empty shell pre-living out a thousand tasks, going outside with my boys is usually the surest remedy.
Yes,
"or to persevere until the calendar flipped past that magic number and I could return to my happy life again"
Oh Jen. I've been living my life like that for a very long time. Thanks for holding up a mirror for me. Today, I am going to make some better choices.
Very good point; I was reading your piece and nodding in recognition. So often I am guilty of living future moments in my mind and not being fully present. Must remedy that.
Wow...
Thankyou...
I really needed to read that part about intimacy today!
What an important lesson to learn...it is definitely a struggle for me to stay present in the moment. Thank you for describing it so eloquently.
ohohoh! I struggle the other way...i have a hard time DOing..but am finding my way there, as you are with BEing...and it's all about the NOW, as you so clearly articulated. Thanks for putting words to the struggle...
yes jen! you hit the nail on the head. i've struggled with this so often in my life.... the times where i managed to be present for an extended period of time, i look back on with a sense that i'll never be that happy again. but then i have to remind myself that i CHOSE that happiness, that presence then, and i can choose it now, too. thanks for the reminder!
the book "peace is every step" by thich nhat hanh was a transformative read for me. it helped encourage my sense of being. i'd highly recommend it!
I've learned to procrastinate. It's like this: I have a lot to do, so I plan to procrastinate by doing xyz the night before. It's not bc I'm putting it off, it's prioritizing/procrastinating out of necessity. Then, I have also learned to keep focused on the task at hand. What needs to be done next? I have a book going to the printer in less than two weeks.(I'm reading you while eating brunch, which isn't necesarily being present with my fried egg sandwich, admittedly.) If I looked at the scope of what needs to be done, I'd begin to feel anxiety. I draw that energy that starts to seep out and channel it just ahead of me. "The journey of a 1,000 steps begins one step at or time," or something like that said by the great Master. And last, I do so get that initmacy is lost by not being present and I sometimes struggle with that with my current love relationship. Yet another thought is that picturing the film in your head of how you want something to go -- as long as you are not disconnnecting with others -- can be a part of the visualization-actualization-law of attraction process. So, some of that is good. Very good, I do think. Thanks for your vulnerability. Your daring to share teaches others. Namaste,
What you're trying to do is so difficult because it's against the American way. We pursue, we strive, we work toward, we plan, we worry, we ruminate and we celebrate, but only briefly, because celebration beyond a certain point means you're not getting on to what needs to be accomplished next. Doing is our national pastime. Our addiction to doing is why so few Americans actually use their vacation time.
Several years ago I had a nervous breakdown and could not work. I did not work, or do anything except sit and be, sometimes in my therapist's office, but mostly in my house, my garden, the park, in my car on a drive in the mountains. In those 8 weeks, I saw glimpses of who I really am. And then, when my leave of absence was up, I went back to doing, to striving, to achieving and lost touch with me. I see me sometimes, when I allow myself to do nothing. I'd like to rejoin that journey. Ironically, it takes some doing to just be, a little willpower to just sit at first, or just walk, or just lay or just sleep. But then, being becomes as much of a habit as doing, and the doing part of our lives becomes so much richer.
Sounds wonderful. Good for you...and thanks for the reminder.
thank you for this - I too have been so hurried lately and the thinking of "the table" at squam has taken over my life. But this...this is a reminder to slow down and be here now.
thank you ..thank you!
xo
I like this advice very much. Very timely for me so thank you. BTW, I am a friend of Meg's!
A great telling of the process and the inside of the experience.
Loads of wisdom in your post, and the responses that follow. I like the "How interesting" thought demonstration. Embracing the reality of the moment is my greatest challenge.
Glad to see the clouds may have drifted out of your skies...
Can't remember how I got here but I'm glad I did. I'm also trying to find that fine balance between being and doing.