(little) acts of courage

Grand Central, Horizon Perfekt, Kodak Portra 400 35mm film

I've been just hanging on over here, processing some deep things and feeling really quiet on the surface.  Feeling often pretty down, if I'm honest.  But today I tried a new exercise. What would happen, I wondered, if I acknowledged the little acts of courage I'm undertaking lately?  Would it console me about not feeling up for anything big at the moment?  Would it lift my spirits?

Yes.  Yes, it did. 

Here's my list.

(little) acts of courage:

• Showing up on stage when you'd rather be under the covers.
• Writing one page of a project that makes it hard for you to breathe.
• Getting out of bed in the morning and picking up a pen.
• Knowing people are leaving, but loving them with your whole heart anyway.
• Asking someone else to make your sandwich when you're wilting.
• Calling your friends before your words come back.
• Letting yourself be seen when you're irritable and unsocial.
• Telling your story when your heart is still living inside of it.
• Giving your most honest response, even when it means accidentally exclaiming, Hot Damn! to a religious woman when you see how hot she looks these days.
• Choosing to be thankful for all your body has done when you're struggling to love it.
• Lacing up your running shoes when you don't know if your feet will make it today.
• Letting yourself be loved when you feel unlovable.
• Being present to your emotions when loss is gripping your chest and squeezing it tight.
• Letting yourself receive gifts when they feel too good to be true.
• Playing chase in the playground when you feel heavy and slow.
• Being gentle with yourself when you're inclined to crack the whip.

What little acts of courage can you acknowledge yourself for today?  Once you write them down or say them out loud, you may see they're not so little, after all.

Comments

[jane]

this is beautiful Jen. My acts of courage are:
beleiving the whispers that say i have something to offer versus the cacophony of voices that say i am a phoney, pathetic, yadda yadda yadda
getting my canvas ready
doing some sketches
not losing myself on the internet and making something with my hands instead
honouring your work and your words and your struggle with a comment here even though my critic says "you don't count"

[Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams]

These are so important, Jen. So important.

I'm also writing little bits of projects that scare me, and being honest about big complicated transitions. And cooking real food even when I don't always feel like it. And moving my body even when it doesn't want to move.

[rowena]

I'm a big proponent of acknowledging the little things we do, rather than the long unwieldy todo lists and huge tasks.

My little acts of courage.
Admitting when I was wrong, and saying, "okay."
Laughing and singing instead of being justifiably pissed off.
Facing up to growly gusses.
Getting rid of the diaper and risking puddles.
Showing the kids my plans for their carnival room, even though I don't know when/if I'll get it together enough to make it work.

[The Other Laura]

My little acts of courage:

having faith in a good outcome despite a snarky beginning
taking time to ask & then listen to what I really need
reaching out & letting myself be seen

[Jenn C.]

I feel like I have nothing to add.

Does continuing to breathe count today?

[amelia]

oh I can relate to this and just last week created a list of ways to be courageous, the reminders really help!
http://www.momsdailyretreat.com/notesfromtheedge/2010/6/11/being-courageous-a-list.html

[vivienne]

this really is beautiful jen....
my little acts of courage right now are:
-letting a project emerge from my brain and become a reality
-clearing my art desk...and actually using it to make an artful mess
-communicating hard things to say

[bella]

:) today I had a conversation with a friend who is about to begin a weight loss journey. i told him about my own story - and how thinking about the big picture could be overwhelming. one little change everyday will help him (or anyone) at least, begin.

my own little acts of courage today include:
~admitting it's time (really time) to stop smoking. i'm comfortable with having one less, per day, until i am weaned off.
~inviting a friend (who I have been having a rocky relationship with) to a day at the beach. a light, fun atmosphere for us both.

The littlest acts are often some of the biggest steps we can take. I honor yours and thank you for inviting us to join in.

[Marianne]

You can add - writing this post, although perhaps that is a larger act of courage. I certainly think that standing on stage when I'd rather be in bed under the covers would count as a very big act of courage for me!

Thank you for this beauty, this truth.

My small (big) act of courage this week:
- asking forgiveness from a friend

[Michelle]

love this.

mine this morning was: show up even tho you don't know how it's going to turn out. even tho there's no plan. just show up and see what happens.

thanks for sharing yours... that in itself is an act of courage!

[Nadine]

Oh!
How I needed to hear this today.
My little acts of courage, right now, are:
Talking to my man about our various fears and trying to work through them instead of just turning and running.
Commenting on the blogs of people who really inspire (and maybe even intimidate) me.
Staying in bed when I feel I need to.
Choosing not to worry about the scary things that the next month holds for me. They are going to happen anyway. Why compound the worry?

[jen]

i love you jen lee

[Suzen]

Jen, I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting you and hearing you at Squam. I just loved your story about moving to NYC. I just also loved your curlyque hair and your throaty voice and your open heart. To be honest, I was not the bestest cabin mate when I was there. I went to bed with my book early every night because I just needed solitude. Sometimes I feel like I'm sooo serious and reserved that I make a very bad impression on people. Between you (and Jen Gray), I feel normal and good and that there's a place for me that I can fit in just perfectly, no adaptation needed. I thank you for your tender heart and your wild spirit and for sharing it. Oh, and i just love Grand Central Station; I get a lump in my throat every time I go through there. It's just so beautiful, isn't it?! For me, a little act of courage is in letting myself feel my heart burst in Grand Central and not be embarrased about it, sticking up for myself instead of sucking it up, not harangueing myself for the wrinkles and sags that are my physical being now, wearing what expresses me even if it looks a little squarky.

[amy komar]

simply beautiful

[B]

I think your little acts of courage sound very courageous!

This year I've been doing small goals. I feel very frustrated with myself for not accomplishing big things and I decided to accomplish some small things instead. It's actually been pretty fun. Two of my small goals:
Read the Newberry Medal award winning books. They are awesome! This has been such a fun goal
Make all of the recipes from the book Food Matters. This has been a fun goal too, but I've only made two recipes so far, but I've made one of them more than once!