New Futures are Made in Such Moments
With Jonatha Brooke, by Susannah ConwayI remember worrying that I wouldn't find it in my little town--the cassette my aunt got me hooked on while she was visiting. The Angel in the House. It was a good album, but the first song in particular stayed with me like a dream you don't want to forget. It was being with my aunt, it was playing together, it was all the things happening to me at that age that I didn't understand. And like most things that wrap up some truth in a way you can swallow, it stayed with me and became a part of me. It traveled with me along the way.
I did find the cassette in my town, and when I found the mp3 a decade later, I found that both my sisters remembered it fondly, as well. So Much Mine, the opening song, was a coming of age signpost for all of us. It lives on every mix CD we've made each other since.
All of this was with me last week, as I sat in front of campfire by a lake in New Hampshire, just a few feet away from Jonatha Brooke when she started singing this song. My aunt, my sisters, my mother, my teenage self who felt so off the beaten path that she had a hard time believing she'd really find the things in life she longed for. I held my presence there, in the flying embers and the blowing smoke as something rearranged beneath me. Or was it within me?
Moments like this, in which pieces of our past or our truest longings wrap around and find us in this present place, build my belief that there really is a future that wants me. Not the kind of future that is manufactured, but the kind that is dreamed. Not a future I make, but one I receive.
New futures are made in such moments, when we allow ourselves to reach out and embrace the people and places that have been calling to us all along. When we believe, this moment is for me. When we say to the future that is wanting us, Yes, I will receive.
Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 8:04AM | Share Article 20 Comments | Email Article Print Article | Permalink | in Squam Art Workshops, dreaming, stories
Reader Comments (20)
that was truly lovely.
Jonatha Brooke's "Landmine" is one of those songs for me. One that brings me to a place where I know my future is mine to make and one where I know I have power that I often forget about.
"...there really is a future that wants me..." Wow. I needed to hear that. Thanks, Jen.
xoxo
thank you for introducing me to such a stirring song. and for reminding me that when i feel the universe buzzing, i must listen and respond. (delighted to have found your lovely site.)
thank you.
I completely relate to this post. When I moved away from home right after high school I stole all of my parents Jonatha CD's from them... Karma caught up with me a few years later when ALL of my CDs were stolen including those. But, her music has been a part of what has shaped my life and when I stood at that fire listening I was just in awe.
xo
I had a similar experience with the same song. After meeting Jonatha at Squam last year, I went to another one of her shows many weeks later. When she played that song, I was immediately taken back to all the days I listened to it over and over again years before, not knowing it was her. As she played it, I felt like something came full circle, and I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
i've loved "because i told you so" forever.
you are making me cry, all of you. I treasure these comments. they mean the WORLD to me. I am the luckiest girl that you are now MY circle.
love this. so much. I listened to some of Jonatha's music this morning, after reading this post - so stirring. And thanks, Jen, for sharing your belief in a future that is real and true and waiting for us.
so beautiful... the words, the song, the connection xo
yes...
"the future that wants me"...
"the kind that is dreamed"...
a sweet song to receive just before sleep...
love to you.
gem
amen, sister!
Thanks for sharing the song that moved you so. What a great idea-the future is our gift. How beautiful a concept. There is so much cheesy writing out there in the universe. Thank you for being a REAL inspiration!
And most beautiful of all is that photo you shot, Susannah. Can't thank you enough for that!
Nice!
reading of your experience was lovely :)
I can tell you are one tall glass full of inspiration, Jen! Your words are so touching! I am so glad your embracing it all, your destiny, your divinity. You really belong right among the stars ~ I'm somewhat sad that I wasn't at Squam with you all, but I am honored to be have you in my life ~ xo
That song found it's way to me many years ago and again that night at the bonfire, long after I had lost the mix CD on which I first heard it. there I go w/ those 'squam tears' again of the good and happy and hopeful variety. thinking of you lots these days.
mmmmm...yes.
yes, i hear you and feel it too.
I must admit, I too have a fondness for Jonatha Brooke songs. So many of my memories are based off of them, times in my life I have turned to those songs for comfort, for inspiration, for graciousness, for love. Her voice carries through a trueness to it, a wholesome emotional force that is nothing but truly magical to listen to.
So much mine reminds me of my high school days, the skirt my sister made me, and a boy who held on to my heart for far too long but put "You're So Much Mine" on a sign so I'd see it when I drove home from work in the dark. And I have an acoustic version that melts my heart every time I hear it.
Thanks for sharing your memories. They are quite precious in all that they do.